So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
