Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
