not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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