I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
of course. lets lasso hookers.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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