just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
