I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Randomize
