you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
