Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
