guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
