My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
