it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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