Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
