I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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