Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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