dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
