youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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