I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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