Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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