I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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