guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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