So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You are a genius and a whore.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
