There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Text me some of your sweat
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
