You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
