Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
