omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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