i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize