is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize