is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
