I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
