we have officially lost it.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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