Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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