I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
