You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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