John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
