farters have to be the big spoon...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
