My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
