idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
