So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
