Non-Jews are for practice
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
