I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
