I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I touched a dick in church today
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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