Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
