I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
