So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
