just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
