The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
