Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
