Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
