i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
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