Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
