from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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