Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
