you're like a bully in the Christmas story
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
