i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
