Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
