I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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