Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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