oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
