I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize