Nicole vs. Life
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
