hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
