Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
