I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
