We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
