She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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