Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
